BAND NAMES: THE QUESTING

GRAYSON age 14 on Walkley Road Basement Rec Room Steps 1964 copy

I remember like it was last week: the angst of my young rock ’n roll band days. I’m talking about fourteen, fifteen, sixteen years old. I’d sit around with my friends (some of whom actually played instruments) having “meetings” in my family’s basement rec room, spending long hours eating potato chips, drinking coke while we thought up band names, most of them really, really, bad ones.

The process was endless. It involved the shouting out of lame name ideas, followed by derisive guffaws of laughter and observations about one’s mother and other such rank-outs. Some heated discussion would ensue, accompanied by the emphatic shaking of heads and dismissive gestures, then the process would repeat. Not one good name was ever thought up at these meetings. But we did have good discussions on what clothes to wear. Denim jackets were discussed. And we laughed a lot.

For a while during the Fall and Winter of 2007, during the making of  “An American Record”, I commuted from Cape Cod to Connecticut on weekends. One of the things I did to shorten those three hour bus trips (besides counting all the red tailed hawks I’d see in the trees) was to make lists of ridiculous band names. For laughs later on, I’d read them aloud to Polly.

Ladies and gentlemen, boy and girls, musicians of all ages and at all stages, I present some of these names to you now. Who knows – you may just find the perfect one for your band!

BAND NAME LIST 1

THREE BENS AND A HUR
THE HOWDY DO’S
THE DOWDY HUCKS
HUCKLEBERRY SLIM
THE GIDDYUPS
THE FEW FARTHINGS
FARMINGTON HEDGE
THE WEDGELYS
SQUEEZEPANCE
SQUAREDANCER
SURGE PANTS MORNING
PANTING IN THE MORNING
WITHOUT YOUR SISTER
PANTS ATWIST
YER SISTER IS FRANTIC
SISTERHUT
WUZ SISTER HERE?
R U HUR SISTER?
SISTERFEAR
FAINTING SISTER
O YER SISTER
I HEAR YA SISTER
UNCLE SISTER
THE LETHARGIC HOMBRES
FIVE SISTERS AND A COUSIN
OF DIRT AND SISTER
GONE WITH THE SISTER
RBEL WITHOUT A COUSIN
BEACHBLANKET COUSIN
PAUL ANKA IS A MARMOT
FABIAN’S JOY
NEPTUNE’S LUNCH
DOLPHINS WITHOUT BROTHERS
THE QUARTERMASTERS
ENOD QUICKEN
THE YE BOBS
THE WRATH OF FILBERT
THE MANY DOBBS
THREE KINGS AND A LADY
THREE DORKS AND A CHANCELOR
THE HALL MONITORS
THE RICKY VAN HERKIN PROJECT
DAVID BARTHOLMEW’S LAMENT
TOUCH MY ROBE
STANDS WITH A TWIST
THE JACK LEMMON TWISTS
THE LIL’ BOBBERS
NIGHT OF THE LIVING SISTERS
ENTER THE COUSIN
FINAL SISTER
COUSIN SANCTION
DON’T LOOK BACK, COUSIN
SISTER  VS. COUSIN
COUSINSISTER
THE SINISTERS
THE SPINNING
THE MT. AUBURN WHINERS
THE FAMOUS JOHNS
THE YOUNG QUIPS
BONANNIGEN
THE BALBOAS
THE PONCES AND A DE LEON

BAND NAME LIST 2

THE POO POO HEADS
THE PUPU PLATTERS
FIVE DICKS AND A JANE
THE CORDUROUYS
LITTLE JOHNNY ROY & THE DICKIES
STARTLED COAT
EVENTUAL BURLAP
THE STUNNING MORMONS
BIG AMISH
THE VERY LOUD LUTHERANS
MENONITE THUNDER
THE FALLEN SHAKERS
FOR HOWARDS’ SAKE
LADYSHIP BLONDE
THE HACKING COUGHS
A HINT OF COUSIN
TORRINGTON RISING
SHUDDER TO THINK
THE LONGSHANKS
ODIOUS CLOVER
HAIL THE ROLLOVER
THE SWANKS
THE BOSSIES
THE PLAYDOUGHS
FIVE RUGS IN A HOUSE
HOUSECOATS
HAWTHORNE’S ROOF
JEFFERSON ALOOF
THE UNIDENTIFIED SINGING OBJECTS
THE FREEZING STRINGS
THE HONEY CLAMS
THE PASSING PHASES
THE RECTOR
BILL BOW BONNETT

NOTHIN’ ON IT

AQUA PEANUT

THE SEA WORTHIES

THE NEW BEDFORD SEETHERS
WHALE’S RIB
SOMETHING SPONGY
SEEING TURTLES
SMOOTH AS ASTRID
UNCLE LUTHER’S RAINCOAT
GREAT GALOSH
THE FRIGGINS
FLEBOTTOMUS HIGGINS
THE CARL SANDERS PROJECT
PARSLEY, PAGE, ROSEMARY & TOM
UNCLE TOM’S COUSINS
THE SHABBYTOWN TIGERS
THEY CALL ME MR. HUGH
TRUTH OR COUSIN
THE CLUTTERS OF TEETH
ON RYE WE GO
THE BARDS OF SOUTHBURY
THE HILLS OF VERNON
TIDES OF GRANBY
BY GOLLY GOSHEN
COVENTRY LOTION
BILLY & THE DOO RAGS
THE FLYING STALAGTITES
FEAR OF SINGING
COUNTING COUSINS
COUSINS AHOY
COUSIN HO!
COUSINTRAIN
COUSINWISH

BAND NAME LIST 3

THE AWFUL PUPPETS
THE POPPETS OF POMFRET
THREE CLOWNS IN A FOUNTAIN
FIVE CROWS ON A PINETOP
THE PINETOPS
PINESAP PERKINS
THE GO JIMBITS
THE NIMWITS
THE ROTTEN HULLS
HOUSE OF DOBBS
THE GOOD JOBS
THE DANDIES
THE ROCK CANDIES
THE WHEN
BLEED THE CHORDS
COUNT THE COUSINS
THE YOUNG MASTERS
TASKER
THE DANCING MASTERS
THE LYRES
SAXOPHONY EARL
THE CHESHIRE DUKES
THE FLUKES
THE BRISTOL POMPS
LORDS OF DANBURY
FLEABAG TRUMPET
BIG STRUMPET
THE AFFORDABLES
THE HORRIBLES
BUILT FOR JOY
BIG JOY MATTENTOS
GOODER THAN BETTER
LEAD BUTTER
ORION’S UDDER
SLIPPERS OF HERCULES
LAFCADIO’S EASE
THE EMBER PEAS
HOMER’S SEETHING
SWEETPEA TEETHING
PROMETHEUS LEAVING
SEMI CONSCIOUS
PAPPY TATER
THE OLDEN NOTIONS
FROSTBITER
THUNDER RUMBLER
JACK B. TUMBLER
LAUGH ME UNDER
ASUNDER
BILLY O’WONDER
FIND YOUR ETHER
THE FIRST AND SEEN
THE NEEDY
THE MUSTARD DUMPLINGS
THE RUDYARD KIPLINGS
THE RUMPLED STILL SKINS
THE EASY BISCUITS
FLEUR DE LANCE
MAJOR PANTS
THE SHANTY COUSINS
COUSINLOAD
FOOD FOR COUSINS
THE FIVE SORROWS
THE NO TOMORROWS
THE TASTY LICKERS
SNICKERS, THE FLIRTY FERRET
LITTLE TOMMY SKERRIT
THE THORNY BRANCHES
BAD HUNCH
THE HUNCHBACKERS
THE LOUSY TRACKERS
FINNCKY MADIGAN
THE FLABBIGANS
ROWDY HUTCHER
SKULLY ESTHER
ISTHMUS
THE PANAMANIANS
EAST OF WINSTED
THE FLYING BUTTRESSES
ASLEEP IN THE PANTRY
ELMER GANTRY
ICHABOD’S WAISTCOAST
THE PANTALOONS
PINNOCHIO’S TOMB
FLOSTAM & SPANDEX
BIG MYRTLE MILLS
THE FIVE HILLS
THE PILLS
I GOT THE CHILLS
THE EMPHATICS
THE LYMPHATICS
THE YOUNG CHIVES
YOUNG BURL IVES
COUSINS WITH HIVES
BITTER INGOT
FINDY FINGER
THE HARES
PURETY FINGER
THE PRAIRY HAIRS
THE BURNING FIGS
THE EARWIGS
MOLLIFIED PORK
THE HUSBUBS
THE CHERRY WEXLERS
THE HOG PUPPIES
EXTREME NEIGHBORS
WEAK BUT NOT SILLY
WEST OF PHILLY
GUSHY LADY
TUMBLEWEED SHADY
MISTER POTATO HORN
THE CAPE OF GOOD WICKER
SALLY-EYE FROBISH
THE VAN HARKINS
ITSY BITSY KRAMER
LITTLE TINY SUMACS
A SEQUIN TOO FAR
FOR THE LOVE OF BUTTER
THE ANNOYING PASSENGERS
THE PALTRY FLECKS
THE LITTLE SPECKS
THE NASTER SMUDGERS
SHINY DROPLETS
TOUCHING THE COUPLETS
TOUCHY THE CLOWN
BIG DONUT DOWN
THE FALSE PECANS
LOUDENFOLK
STINKY YOLK
NO HOPE
SOME HESITATION
THE HIJINXERS
THE HOWDY JIMS
ME, HER & HIM
THE PUFFINS
THE UNDERSUNG
THREE BIRDS AND A TONGUE
CONNIE’S LUNG
THE CLEAVERS
THE DECEIVERS
THE MEAT WEAVERS
THE LUNCH HEAVERS
THE LITTLE BROWN BEAVERS
THE FLYING SHARDS
THE SIDE YARDS
LEO AND HIS TARDS
THE SPUTTERING IMPLOSIVES
GUSTY DANCER
BAD FILAMENT
OLD HANK
FISHTANK
LUMBERFRANK
PETERFROZEN
GEEZERHOSEN
RALPH ROSEN
CORN B. SHAWTUCKS
NICELY PEEBLES
RICE SQUEEZEM
YOUNG DOWDY HORBACK
THE NAUGHTY JELLIES
THE VOWELS OF TUESDAY
RUCKUS
UNCLE TOM’S FOOLERY
LIVERY JUNCTION
ERIC THE FLAKEY
TIRED AND ACHY
MOSTLY OVER
THE FEEBLES
THE BILL WEEVILS
SPUTYN DEEVIL
FLOYGEN
DOLLY HOYGAN
BIFF SHMOYGAN
SHEBOYGAN
SCHMOO
THE NEGATORIES
THE LLOYDS
THE BATHROYDS
BAD PIGEON
THE FUNNY LITTLE MAYORS
SLEEPBLANKET
LUNCHBOX
HUCK BENNAGIN
THE FIVE GESTURES
GONE TO MARKET
FISHING FOR COUSINS
FLANNERY O’SHIRT
THE NORWEIGIAN MINISTERS
HELL BENT FOR VINYL
QUESTIONS FOR LIONEL
THE OLD BILL GHERKINS
YOUNG PETER PERKINS

BAND NAME LIST 4

GASEOUS CLAY

YE MUSTER
YE OLDE DAMP
HAMPER
TUSKIT
MUSK AND LOG
FOGSAVER
FUEL OMELETTE
LIQUID SOCK
RUSTY LOCK
HOCK
HOCKANUM
WAMPUM BUSTER
HOCK YER BANNISTER
RAVING GYPSUM
GLADDY HANDLE
HANDLEBAG
HANDLE PLEASURE
MISERY OF TRENT
SONS OF SHILLSWORTH
HASHY BROWN
TANG
YOU RANG?
AND THEY SANG
CHEESY WHIZ
LUMPY FIZZ
IT JUST IS
ASK LIZ
FOREIGN DUMPSTER
MISTER SHAKEY
LIL’ QUAKEY
QUAKERS OF NEAR
EARTHQUAKEY
OLD FLAKY
OLDENHAUS
BAD BLOUSE
YOUR SISTER”S SPOUSE
EGGS OF EDDIE
HERKY JIM
MUCMUC
CINDERFOOT
BITTERLUCK
CUMBER’S CLOUD
YER TOO LOUD
SAP
FOLDING HAT
RUNNING STRANGELY
LAKES OF RANGELEY
NOSERUNNER
TROUBLEBUNION
THE LONDON AIRYS
THE IRSH FAIRYS
THE SEVEN LARRYS
BURMA DAVE
FLESHWIG
THE JOHN HEIDLEBERG DANCERS
JORGLE PHLEGM
YOU AGAIN

FARE THEE WHEN

IT’S THE END

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “BAND NAMES: THE QUESTING

  1. I read the whole post to Carolyn while she was cooking. We got a number of good laughs out of it. I think you could publish it without the explanatory intro, and just call it “Poem in Search of a Band.”

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